“What is it? Why is your hair a mess? Why are you crying? There is no whirlwind outside of your head.” She squeezed the inside of my arm with her little hands. Her little hands only understood how drawing was more fun than playing with a ball and that was simple enough. Why was my hair a mess? What war was there? Bombs and bombs and knives and threats. But outside no whirlwind. Just you, throwing yourself around. 
Free me, insidiously. You again. I love you. I love your sound. A reminder, some days I am free. Other days, I work for freedom.
I said this loud and how profound,
my voice again lost in the crowd,
birds again, no words again,
swallow and swallow aloud.
Let me crack and never bounce back
this is how I know to be.
I’ll break and break
as if I want to break free.
But do I? I ask.
I like wearing this mask.
No true sword can penetrate.
But behind it, a gate.
Awaiting sure fate.
I need to be obsessed with something.
What will save me now? I gave up. On you. On me. On running and running, knowing I’d have to stop and breathe. Breathe it all in? All the smoke from the friction?
Oh, I’ve been here before, I sigh. How many times do I need to learn this? Just the other day, I was prepared to fight. And now, no more. I am tired. I don’t want to stay awake but I’ll not sleep. I’ll stay awake and listen to these creeps. I enjoy their sound, it seems. What will come? I was told the stone wasn’t as good as the gushing of my water. Why is the water of such changing nature? Yet, there is always a stillness. Help me find it. Help me find it. If you can’t I’ll insist.
And my eyes roll back. I relinquish control. I give it away. I fold.
For hours, I’m yours. I’m exactly the perfection of non-existence I was before.
I go somewhere and exist nowhere, finally I bare no thought.
Until morning when it rushes in. I start again, fight my friend.
Why are you back when I’ve taken measures to keep you at bay?
Ah, you’re unbelievably ugly. And I know, you’re not even fair.
This, my defence, I drop occasionally when I feel an inkling of freedom.
And you appear again, armed. I look around and remember my sword.
My sharp thought, my tongue. I pick it up and lick you like a dog.
You don’t even deserve to be licked by my sword.
But, I’m smart, you see. I tame you this way. I lick you and lick you until you bleed from your face.
And you’re humbled again.
Until next time, love.
I’m a shark upside down,
I’m not free and do I want to be?
When will you come around?
Question after question, utters she.
A third person, I love…
Ethereal grace, grace, grace.
Unlike my headspace.
Come around or don’t.
I speak upside down,
I’m afraid you won’t,
Come around.
Calm yourself and listen. Irrationality, when the sun shines, do you wait for me in the dark? People are just people. Why do you make them so much more? You’re quick to flare, you are. Ever defensive. Stop panicking and be a bit smarter. My mind is your tool – use it for good instead of recklessly spending its creativity on dark imaginings, of all the imaginings you can choose.
‘Why did you do this to me?’ was strangely comforting to repeat. I asked, knowing I’d hear nothing back but after the twentieth time, I was okay.
smallbloomshloo 