“What is it? Why is your hair a mess? Why are you crying? There is no whirlwind outside of your head.” She squeezed the inside of my arm with her little hands. Her little hands only understood how drawing was more fun than playing with a ball and that was simple enough. Why was my hair a mess? What war was there? Bombs and bombs and knives and threats. But outside no whirlwind. Just you, throwing yourself around. 
Free me, insidiously. You again. I love you. I love your sound. A reminder, some days I am free. Other days, I work for freedom.
Oh, I’ve been here before, I sigh. How many times do I need to learn this? Just the other day, I was prepared to fight. And now, no more. I am tired. I don’t want to stay awake but I’ll not sleep. I’ll stay awake and listen to these creeps. I enjoy their sound, it seems. What will come? I was told the stone wasn’t as good as the gushing of my water. Why is the water of such changing nature? Yet, there is always a stillness. Help me find it. Help me find it. If you can’t I’ll insist.
Why are you back when I’ve taken measures to keep you at bay?
Ah, you’re unbelievably ugly. And I know, you’re not even fair.
This, my defence, I drop occasionally when I feel an inkling of freedom.
And you appear again, armed. I look around and remember my sword.
My sharp thought, my tongue. I pick it up and lick you like a dog.
You don’t even deserve to be licked by my sword.
But, I’m smart, you see. I tame you this way. I lick you and lick you until you bleed from your face.
And you’re humbled again.
Until next time, love.
I’m a shark upside down,
I’m not free and do I want to be?
When will you come around?
Question after question, utters she.
A third person, I love…
Ethereal grace, grace, grace.
Unlike my headspace.
Come around or don’t.
I speak upside down,
I’m afraid you won’t,
Come around.
Calm yourself and listen. Irrationality, when the sun shines, do you wait for me in the dark? People are just people. Why do you make them so much more? You’re quick to flare, you are. Ever defensive. Stop panicking and be a bit smarter. My mind is your tool – use it for good instead of recklessly spending its creativity on dark imaginings, of all the imaginings you can choose.
And now I’m left here to ‘deal’ with real human emotions. Nothing to take it away. Such beautiful soft souls need numbing because without it, they’ll die of pain. What do they call it? Yes… ‘Patience’. That thing that saves you from yourself. That thing you need between the strike and the regeneration. Patience. I wait with you. You’ll carry this away. Without you, I fear I might turn to dangerous relief. The type of relief that catches up with one after a while of dependence. And I keep telling myself that’s okay. Just sit. Wait it out. But maybe for me, it hurts so much more than it does for you. Maybe I feel it all too much and being hard will make me a monster, but being soft will kill me. Is this what you other humans do? Wait? Or maybe you don’t feel like I do. I know there are some like me. I wish you’d not let the world make you ugly.
Above all else, I trust my dreams
They tell me all of what’s unseen.
I sleep and see what’s deep inside,
All unknown answers, there do hide.
They assure me with the most jolting confidence, that I needn’t fear.
Or that something can be done to dry my tears.
Above all else I trust the tigers there.
Wordless, aggressive and ready for a dare.
But from a distance,
I watch them sinuously go forth,
and brush passed me like they don’t exist.
People are going to let you down, when you don’t expect it and people you don’t expect it from. They might make you feel unworthy. But that’s not up to them. Make yourself feel so worthy that feeling unworthy because someone let you down isn’t even an option.
Work hard on yourself. You’re going to be heartbroken and lose and fail but don’t let that be because you didn’t work at it. Let it be because it rained, or your car broke down or someone didn’t show up. That way, you can still look at yourself in a rainy reflection and say, ‘I tried. I was prepared. This opportunity will come again and I’ll be ready for it.’
I looked around to see everyone’s eyes set forward.
I waited for a sign of wavering attention.
A weakness signalling my cue.
‘Is anyone else missing the point here?’
I feel someone might join in on my confusion,
just so I don’t feel alone.
‘Are you guys having fun?’
Stop.
Just stop.
Stop with these distracting activities and think.
Really think.
smallbloomshloo 
